Special Report from the IP (Inebriated Press) – Constellactus, devourer of wine brands, appears to be heading towards Earth, with dire consequences for the planet’s wine industries. Fueled by the mysterious “power cosmic” and a recent rise in market share, Constellactus Brands – devourer of wine brands and the largest wine producer in the known…
Category: Inebriated Press
“Gluttzilla” Lodi Zinfandel Attacks City!!
LODI ZINFANDEL ATTACKS TOKYO! Crowds flee for their lives as “Gluttzilla” menace destroys theme park. Tokyo defenses “only stir its already considerable anger.” July 8th, 2009 – Tokyo Inebriated Press A powerfully alcoholic wine emerged from the basement depths of downtown Tokyo wine and liquor shop Tanakaya today, breathing fire and staging a level of…
Pennsylvania Repeals Prohibition!
Associated Grape Press (ha-ha… get it?) In a stunning and bizarre turn of events today, Pennsylvania has repealed Prohibition, thus ending years of tyrannical and strict governance over the sale and distribution of alcohol within the Commonwealth. Upon reports of the repeal, elated Pennsylvanians stormed the Harrisburg, PA offices of the state-run monopoly Pennsylvania Liquor…